My work for creative writer
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My work for creative writer
Here is my short story for Creative writer
Drew saw the men coming. He knew that eventually they would find him. He was in trouble. The man was sitting in an alley with walls everywhere. At the back a big chainlink fence separated the alley from the other side. The men saw he was trapped. Drew ran towards the green rusty dumpster, jumped and kicked off of it. He soared into the air like an eagle and grabbed the fence. He scaled up it and jumped over the side. The men laughed and he saw a van parked in front of the alley he was in. He was trapped now. He couldn't escape... until a hand reached down from a window and pulled him up. He was safe... for now.
There we go
Drew saw the men coming. He knew that eventually they would find him. He was in trouble. The man was sitting in an alley with walls everywhere. At the back a big chainlink fence separated the alley from the other side. The men saw he was trapped. Drew ran towards the green rusty dumpster, jumped and kicked off of it. He soared into the air like an eagle and grabbed the fence. He scaled up it and jumped over the side. The men laughed and he saw a van parked in front of the alley he was in. He was trapped now. He couldn't escape... until a hand reached down from a window and pulled him up. He was safe... for now.
There we go
Last edited by Gamer57cp on Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
Gamer57cp- Posts : 4
Join date : 2008-09-11
Re: My work for creative writer
Its good, but isent it suppose to be about clubpenguin?
Bridget- Posts : 10
Join date : 2008-09-12
Re: My work for creative writer
Here, I edited it for you. Is Drew a man or a boy, because you use "He" to start almost every sentence, so I'd like to fix that.
Drew saw the men coming. He knew that eventually they would find him. He was in trouble. The man was sitting in an alley with walls everywhere. At the back, a big chainlink fence separated the alley from the other side. The men saw that he was trapped. Drew ran towards the rusty green dumpster, jumped and kicked off of it. He soared into the air like an eagle and grabbed the fence. He scaled up it and jumped over the side. The men laughed and he saw a van parked in front of the alley he was in. He was trapped now. He couldn't escape... until a hand reached down from a window and pulled him up. He was safe... for now.
What do you think about the "for now" part? I think the sentence "He was safe." is a little boring, and abrupt, so thats why I edited it.
Drew saw the men coming. He knew that eventually they would find him. He was in trouble. The man was sitting in an alley with walls everywhere. At the back, a big chainlink fence separated the alley from the other side. The men saw that he was trapped. Drew ran towards the rusty green dumpster, jumped and kicked off of it. He soared into the air like an eagle and grabbed the fence. He scaled up it and jumped over the side. The men laughed and he saw a van parked in front of the alley he was in. He was trapped now. He couldn't escape... until a hand reached down from a window and pulled him up. He was safe... for now.
What do you think about the "for now" part? I think the sentence "He was safe." is a little boring, and abrupt, so thats why I edited it.
Last edited by Snazzy on Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
Snazzy- Posts : 17
Join date : 2008-09-11
Re: My work for creative writer
thanks! I will edit it into my post now
Gamer57cp- Posts : 4
Join date : 2008-09-11
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